31 December 2006

Thank you, Wendrick

This is a good time to dig out some of my old letters.. this one from Wendrick, written exactly a year back, is one of those timeless classics... don't bother about the context in which it was written... it's irrelevant, really.

New Years Greetings from The Land of Wendrick
Hello Amaresh,
Wow, don't quite know how to start or what to say....At the least, we are concerned about your "period" of confusion....It hasn't expanded into worry yet and we're really hoping your break will truly rejuvenate your whole being.....Its so far back that it's hard to re-kindle the negative emotions that we went through when we first encountered the letdown of other peoples private agendas....Hey, you have yours too....It's a sad reality of the human experience.....It will be no comfort, but it will not be the last friend whose role shifts with time and distance....You can hold a thought longer than most and its tiring for them to keep up with your progress because its evolving at a different pace......The understanding you are gaining on a daily basis is hard to express to those with lesser capacity....Everything that was mutually understood has lost its bonding function and the gap widens with each passing moment....Time won't let you stay.....The only consolation is if you can take what you learned about yourself (and your response or reaction) and take that new understanding and make it useful to your future....Everything seems so easy to understand in retrospect and its hard to realize that these stumbling blocks are having a very real impact on your state of mind, your emotions, and your future.....
In a way, it will be better if you don't hear about your test until after your break.....it will test your resolve to have complete control of your mind and life....without the decision already having been made about your physical reality....School, Job, Travel, Life of an Ascetic...what does it matter....having control of your own destiny is the game.....Embrace your choices and with the best thoughts cleared of daily interference....the choice will be apparent....Be Happy....First & Foremost....Even your friends will be more supportive of the whole you....Be Real...You're Special to everyone you touch.....Hey, have no idea where this is coming or going to....except its coming from our hearts and going to you....Have a Great New Year.....Write when you return....Be Well....Build an OFF switch into your thinking and find that place where absence of thought becomes a comfort and joy....Really re-charge those batteries....We love you and are happy to only be concerned instead of worried...lol....
Wendy & Rick

29 December 2006

morbid thoughts

We decided to lean on each other, we needed each other's strength... one day, the other person found a cigarette too tempting to resist, and me, too insignificant to justify resisting the cigarette... and so, took a few steps back to fetch the smoke, while I fell down and broke.

I used to think irrationality justifies everything. Madness, like being drunk, is an excuse to do shit.

Some things (like one's word, spoken or otherwise) shouldn't be let down, ever.

Irrationality, madness and the associated immunity be damned.

It's the time to stand up and be a man.

Mistakes... spilt milk... I'll wipe the milk and my memory while I'm still floundering on the floor.

Someone, help me with a cloth, please?

8 December 2006

New Zealand is where I want to go, at least today. I don’t know which way I’ll sway in the coming month, but I’ve had enough of this system. The routine of lectures, quizzes, intoxication, games… it’s the most fun anyone can expect in any college, but too much of it saturates my taste buds… I’ve had enough. I don’t want to go thru another year, living a restricted, albeit fun life here… it’s a closed world, where our world ends at the campus gate. There are only 300 people in this world; everyone can potentially know everything about everyone else. Perfect knowledge? Elections are entertaining… we’re voting to elect the kings of our own little world. Our senses of perception and understanding are limited by the restrictive walls fortifying our minds here. This is our world, and that’s all there is to our lives for 2 years. News trickles in thru my laptop, the newspaper, some post on the newsgroups, some talk in the mess and some lectures… I don’t see the real world. I can’t feel the change. In some ways, it feels like I’m under a plastic surgeon’s knife. The operation lasts for 2 years, with a handful of minor, week-long breaks, and I’m completely transformed at the end of it all. The outside world views me differently, and, maybe as a consequence, I view the outside world differently. When I went back home during my first term break, everything seemed strange. I was getting to know Madras all over again. A lot of my friends are gone. There are some, who I cant speak to the same way that I used to. I wish I could tell them everything that I’ve gone thru here, and how I’ve changed, but that would be too long a story, even by my standards. It’s hard to relate to some things and some people. People move on at different speeds. I felt it at some point of time when I was stuck with the factory job. Now I’m on the other side of the divide. Strange feeling. I want to get back home, to meet my old friends. Goodnight.

The closest non-sexual experience to orgasmic bliss is a lengthy pee after hours of holding back.